


Exactly

by endemictoearth



Category: My Mad Fat Diary
Genre: F/M, Honeymoon, Tumblr Prompt, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-23
Updated: 2016-01-23
Packaged: 2018-05-15 18:45:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5795731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/endemictoearth/pseuds/endemictoearth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tumblr prompt sort of sums it up: My bride/groom ditched me at the altar, but fuck them I’m taking this honeymoon, anyway.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Exactly

**Author's Note:**

> Oh, hello there! So, both @kneekeyta and @lilaviolet reblogged a list of wedding/engagement prompts over at Tumblr. Number 28 grabbed m’fancy: “My bride/groom ditched me at the altar, but fuck them I’m taking this honeymoon, anyway.” (I guess that’s your summary right there.)
> 
> I meant for this to be much shorter only it got away from me a bit, but I’m actually not unhappy with how it turned out. I’ve given it a once-over and things looked alright, but I’m not agonizing over it like I normally do. 
> 
> I HOPE YOU GUYS LIKE IT!

_Did this actually happen in real life?_ she wondered. It seemed like too fantastic of a plot twist to ever happen to actual people. Nevertheless, here she was. Standing alone at the altar, in an ivory dress and purple Converse, a bouquet of lilacs and white roses hanging limp at the end of her arm.

She squeezed her eyes shut, afraid to glance over her shoulder and see her mum’s disappointed face, Karim’s kind eyes crinkled in sadness, and the all of the gang squirming in discomfort. He really wasn’t coming.

She opened her eyes to examine the humble altar, with floral arrangements of larkspur and lilac on either side. There was no stained glass in this small Saxon church. Archie had helped her pick the place. She wasn’t religious, but the thought of a registry office affair made her sad. They’d had to go to services there three weeks running, and get the banns read and everything.

Paul had seemed fine with it, though looking back on it, he’d never been overly enthusiastic about any part of their wedding after his proposal. He’d asked her at the end of a concert, three months after they started dating—shouted it over the second encore. And amid the swaying lighters raised into the night making the sky seem impossibly black, high on a mix of adrenaline and music, Rae had held her breath for a minute and said yes.

Though she still didn’t dare look over her shoulder, she couldn’t help shifting her eyes left to see Chloe’s mournful gaze meeting her own. “Sorry, babes,” her friend mouthed, reaching out to grasp Rae’s free hand.

Rae smiled weakly and shrugged out of habit. She was so used to shrugging off the slings and arrows of life, this didn’t even feel like that big of a deal. But it could be shock, and she’d get a delayed reaction, start hyperventilating in the middle of the night or something.

She remembered introducing him to the gang. They were understandably wary of a newcomer, and protective of Rae. She hadn’t had many boyfriends, and they didn’t want anyone taking advantage of their friend.

“He’s Canadian, is he?” Chop asked, furrowing his brow and watching Paul lope to the loo.

“Yeah, he writes for radio, and wanted to work at the BBC, so he moved here to try and get a job.”

Finn scoffed into his pint. “Not sure that’s how it works.”

Rae stared at him for a minute. “Well, anyway. He’s sound, and funny, and he has decent taste in music. Not sure what more I could ask for, really.”

There was a collective pause, no one making eye contact for a moment, and then Archie came back to the table with a tray filled with the next round. As he handed them down the table, he said, “So, what’d I miss? What’re we talkin’ about?”

Another pause, but then Finn took a long breath and drawled, “Paaauuul.”

“Ah. Yes. The man himself.” But Archie didn’t say anything else. When Paul came back to the table, he adjusted his chunky black framed glasses and licked his lips nervously. And the silence around the table grew.

She probably should have known from that moment. If your best friends can’t get excited for you, even if it looks good on paper, it’s probably not right.

“Rae? Babes, I think the vicar wants us to make a decision.” Chloe was murmuring in her ear. Wanted her to make a decision? The decision had been made; she just needed to accept it and get her feet to move. Move her out of the chapel and on with her life.

She stared at the glow of afternoon light coming in the small clear window behind the altar. It hadn’t rained, after all. Rain was supposed to be lucky on a wedding day.

“Rae?” Chloe patted her shoulder in what was probably meant to be a comforting manner.

She inhaled sharply. “Yeah!” She sighed through her nose. “Yeah, alright.”

Turning around to walk out of the church, she kept her head down, not wanting to see the pity in anyone’s eyes. When she got to door, she surveyed the gravestones in the churchyard and mused that at least she hadn’t died. This terrible … THING … had happened, but she hadn’t died. She’d pick herself up, dust herself off, and start all over again.

Rae heard people murmuring in the church behind her, could tell they were getting out of the pews to leave, too. She bit her lip and turned to Chloe. “Tell everyone to enjoy the reception, okay? I’m … I need to just … not be there.”

And she was glad for the first time since she’d read the note that Paul sent instead of telling her last night or calling her at breakfast or doing anything decent ever. She was glad she was who she was, the kind of girl to wear Converse to her own wedding, because it made it really easy to run.

* * * * *

Everyone had been surprised at how well Rae seemed to take it. Paul’s friend Gil had given Archie the note, and he’d passed it to Chloe, who had slipped it into Rae’s hand as surreptitiously as she could in front of fifty expectant people. But none of them had read Paul’s note. Chloe’d gotten a glimpse, was surprised he’d filled a page, but it was all there. Why he couldn’t do it. It wasn’t her; it was them. They weren’t right for each other, and he supported his thesis statement with cogent examples.

So, after seven days of staying home, crying at intervals, and alternately calmly reassuring people she was okay and ignoring their calls (apart from the couple of times she’d gone to therapy to calmly reassure herself and her therapist that she was okay), she surprised everyone by showing up to the pub.

Rae hesitated before coming over to the table and sliding in next to Izzy, who was sipping a mocktail with cranberry and orange and something else. She nodded at Finn, who sat opposite. “Evenin’,” she said, hoping she oozed an air of okay-ness.

A quick glance at her two friends didn’t reveal any pity, just concern. “I’m really okay, guys. I know it seems like I shouldn’t be; I didn’t expect to be, but I really am okay.”

Their looks morphed into _unconvinced_ concern.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Rae muttered and went up to the bar. When she got there, Finn appeared at her elbow a second later.

“I’m glad,” he said.

“You’re glad?” Rae echoed. _Glad about what?_ Rae wondered. Her getting jilted, or her saying she was okay about getting jilted?

“Well, y’know. I’m … I guess I’m more relieved. Just, it’s a shit thing, and if you say you’re okay, you’re okay.” He drummed his fingers on the bar nervously. “You actually do seem okay. So … I’m glad about that.”

“Okay, then … thanks.” When the bartender came over with a look of ‘What’ll you have?’ Rae turned to Finn, “My shout.”

“No fuckin’ way,” Finn shook his head. “Foster’s for me and a Guinness for her,” he said to the barman.

“Thanks,” Rae whispered.

Back at the table, Izzy smiled and said, “Chloe and Archie are both on their way! Arnold’ll be a while longer. Somethin’ about a fan belt or …”

When the gang was assembled twenty minutes later, Rae raised her glass and said, “Let’s toast!”

Everyone smiled and raised their own drinks.

“To dodging bullets!” she said, a smile on her lips and just one tiny tear in her eye.

“To dodging bullets!” they shouted in unanimous glee. She really did feel okay, and now they might start to believe her.

“I’m glad you’re all here, actually,” Rae continued, licking the traces of foam from her upper lip. The gang all made faces as if to say, ‘you’re not normally glad we’re here?’

“You know what I mean,” she waved a hand. “I … I’ve got a proposition. Well, sort of a favor-slash-proposition.” Eyebrows popped all round.

“My honeymoon. I leave on Monday. But everythin’s booked for two. Obviously.”

Finn coughed a bit on his sip of beer. “You’re goin’?”

“Well, yeah! I mean, it’s mostly paid for, an’ I’ve always wanted to go, so … I’m goin’! But even I, in my infinite okay-ness, realize I shouldn’t go on me own. So, would—CAN—anyone come with me? I know it’s short notice. But … just … please?”

Chop and Izzy looked at one another. “Well, I know you don’t mean me, but I’ve got about four motors that all need to be done next week. I can’t just close up shop.” Before Chop finished, Izzy started, “An’ Laura’s still nursin’. I can’t leave her, an’ I’m sure you wouldn’t want a baby on your … y’know.”

Rae nodded in understanding, then turned to Archie, Chloe, and Finn, hope in her eyes.

Archie spoke first. “I’d love to, Rae, really. But we’re coming up to exams, and I can’t just take off for a week. Maybe if I had tenure, but …”

Chloe bit her lip. “I don’t have any leave left, babes. I’ve only been there six months, and between that quite long weekend in Paris and the days I took for …” she cleared her throat, not wanting to say the words ‘your wedding’. “Anyway, I’m really sorry.”

“I understand, guys. I guess I could … ask me mum? Fuck, that’d be grim.” She swigged from her pint to try and swallow the thought.

Finn cleared his throat and raised his eyebrows in preamble. “Well, you didn’t wait for me to answer,” an edge of annoyance in his tone.

Rae turned her head to look at him, curious. “Sorry, just … I didn’t figure …”

“I’ll check with the station, but I know they’ve got about a half a dozen kids with decent demo tapes workin’ in the music library. I’ve got some time owed me, so … if you’re serious, and you don’t mind it bein’ me… I’m in.” He knocked back the rest of his pint and stood up to go get another.

“There you go, then!” Archie raised his glass again and took a drink.

* * * * *

If they’d been flying, it wouldn’t have worked. But they just make sure you’ve got a ticket on the train. There were six transfers just to get to Oban, where they would catch the ferry.

The train journey had mostly been quite nice. Rae always loved watching the landscape slip by. She brought her journal to scribble in, and she and Finn kept swapping mix cds in and out of their Discmans. Eventually, Finn moved to sit next to her, instead of across, and they shared a set of earbuds.

After one CD completed, Rae said, “Well, _that_ was a blast from the past … when’d you put that one together?”

Finn flipped through his cd wallet looking for the next one to play, and didn’t look over at Rae. “Uh, I think that’s one I recreated. It were the mix for the Knebworth trip.”

Rae blinked. “Oh, wow. I wasn’t wrong, then.”

Years and years ago. When she was fresh from hospital and feeling so sad and unsure.

“Still a bit gutted you couldn’t come that day,” Finn mused aloud.

“Hmmmm?” Rae wasn’t sure she heard him right. She bumped her shoulder against his. “Get away. It were probably better as a lad’s only trip. Even though Chop assured me I WAS one of the lads.”

That caused Finn to look up. “He what? He’s such a knob sometimes. What a dumb thing to say. ‘Course you weren’t.” He glanced back down, slowing turning to the next CD in the case. “But, still. It would’ve been better with you there.”

Rae scoffed, but smiled. Finn looked up again, about to protest, until he saw her expression and his own features relaxed.

They fell into a silence that wasn’t exactly comfortable, but not uneasy, either.

* * * * *

After the next transfer, once they were settled in their seats, Rae got up to get them something from the refreshment car. “Any requests?”

Finn shook his head. “Whatever you’re havin’ is fine with me.”

Rae returned with two teas, a tuna baguette, and some crisps, which they shared.

“What do I owe ya?” Finn reached for his wallet and Rae put a hand out to stop him.

“Nothin’! You’re not payin’ for anythin’ on this trip, my good man. You bailed me out of a very sticky situation, and I’m sure you’re burnin’ your leave on MY vacation, when you could have saved it for sunny Spain or some such. Instead you’re stuck with me in soggy Scotland in the Spring.”

Finn’s face ran a gamut of emotions as she spoke, settling on giving Rae a stern look at the end of her pretty little speech.

“You’ve gotta stop thinkin’ you dragged me here, alright? I volunteered. I’ve always wanted to see the Outer Hebrides meself. Well, maybe more since you mentioned them, way back when.” He gave her a sheepish smile.

 _Ah, yes._ The awkward confession about her dad. She’d been so angry, and that anger had been so misplaced. Angry at so many people that it drove her to Finn’s door. But then she’d remembered the dinner with Tix and didn’t go to the rave. Finn had said he’d take her to her ‘appointment’ and wait for her, so she could go, too, but Rae, having made one major confession, didn’t feel she could tell him where she was going, or why. She said she’d see him after the rave, but she slunk back home, swallowed her anger, more embarrassed by her own boldness. She and Finn were still friendly, but she backed off. She figured they weren’t ever going to be more than friends, no matter how much she fancied him.

Rae smiled over at Finn, hoping to reassure him, but her mind kept slipping back into the past, to the events that had led to her being left at the altar.

There was Liam. The less said about him, the better. They’d gone through college together like a low-rent Bonnie and Clyde, him rattling cages and her feeling jealous of his manic bravery, slinking along behind.

She glanced over to Finn who had his eyes closed, listening to the same song as she was, only he was _really_ listening. He’d not been around much during the Liam period, she realized. He’d left school to try his hand at scaffolding up Leeds with his uncle. She saw him at holidays, when the gang would get together for drinks. They exchanged a few letters, too. It was around the time that she broke up with Liam that Finn came back, just as she was leaving for her first (failed) attempt at uni.

She hadn’t lasted three weeks before she came running home, tail between her legs. University had been like a giant version of that phone box on the corner the day she got out of hospital. Her calling out for help, the pips going madly in her ear, convincing her she couldn’t do it on her own, and no amount of counting could calm her enough to go to classes.

When she got back to Stamford, the gang was reduced to Izzy and Chop, her and Finn. Archie was away at Durham, being his brilliant self, and Chloe had gotten on to a business course in Huddersfield. Finn had just started working at Rutland Radio, and Chop and Izzy were loved up and planning their wedding.

Rae started on at Town Records, but kept looking at the prospectus for Hull. She’d liked Hull. But she felt Bristol was that bit further away, and it was ranked higher, so she’d gone against her gut.

Her gut. She hated the outer part of her gut, but that inner feeling, her so-called intuition, probably hated her back just as much. She was forever going against it. That time she took Liam back after the first time she’d chucked him. Going to Bristol, just because she was flattered she’d gotten in. Ignoring her gut and pretending she didn’t need therapy after she turned eighteen (like her problems had magically gone away.) And, best of all (or worst of all, depending how you looked at it), saying yes to Paul while her gut screamed no.

She shook her head, chuckling ruefully. This roused Finn from his musical stupor and he asked her what was up.

“Oh, nothin’. Just realizin’, finally, what a fool I was.”

“What’re you on about?” Finn sat up straighter, and pulled the bud from his ear.

“Just, not sure why I thought it would ever work with Paul … I guess I was just glad to be asked, an’ it got out of hand.”

Finn pressed his lips together, like he was holding back answering.

“What?” Rae asked, more curious than defensive. Her defenses weren’t much good to her here and now.

“I don’t want to speak out of turn nor nothin’,” Finn started.

Rae rolled her eyes. “You’re on my would-be honeymoon, Finn. You can say what you like.”

Finn took a deep breath in. “I jus’ never … I never thought Paul was the right bloke for you. He didn’t … he never …” He tried to verbalize something, but gave up, waving a hand. “But maybe he and I were just chalk and cheese.”

Rae wanted to ask him to elaborate, tell her exactly what he thought of Paul, and maybe even what he thought of her, but the train started slowing to a halt at Oban. They got caught up in getting their bags and belongings and finding the ferry over to the Isle of Mull. Then there was sorting the car hire, arguing over who should drive, finding the way on the map to Tobermory, all while trying to get a decent station tuned on the radio dial.

When they finally reached their destination for the night, a castle turned bed and breakfast, the conversation from earlier had been forgotten. It had somehow failed to occur to Rae that she had booked rooms with king bed options, as it was supposed to be a honeymoon. As they were walked to their room by a bellhop, she held her breath, hoping it was one of those two single beds shoved together situations.

The young man set their bags down next to the clearly all-of-a-piece king bed, pointed out the en suite, the minibar, and the lovely view, and then paused expectantly. Rae was too focused on the expanse of bed to realize what he wanted, but Finn put his hand in his pocket and handed the lad a five-pound note. “Thanks, mate. This looks lovely.”

Rae broke her reverie just in time to see him leave, and Finn push the door shut after him.

“I—I wasn’t thinkin’,” she explained hastily. “I mean, I jus’ … I didn’t want to come alone, and didn’t even think about … I—I’ll see if they have any other rooms, shall I? Something with two beds, yeah?”

Finn shook his head. “Did you not hear him say we were lucky to have one of the nicest rooms in the place, because they were all booked up?”

Rae shook her head slowly. “No, sorry, I was … thinkin’.”

Finn crossed over to the sofa under the bookcase and sat down, bouncing up and down to test it. “This seems alright. I’ll sleep here; you take the bed.”

“No! No, I’ll take the sofa. That’s a good idea, but … I should take it.” She felt miserable. This wasn’t likely to be the most fun trip she had ever taken, but _this_ on top of everything else.

Finn stood to cross over to Rae. He gently laid his hand on her arm. “Rae.” His voice was soft and calm. “This trip is yours. You take the bed. I’m just along for the ride, and … you deserve something nice out of all this.” He rubbed his hand along her arm, from shoulder to elbow, trying to comfort and reassure her. “I really don’t mind.”

Rae blinked back the tears that were threatening to fall and looked up at him. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

She sniffed. “Okay, if you’re sure. But I’m goin’ to call the other places and see if I can get rooms with separate beds.”

“Sure, sounds good.” Finn smiled, squeezing her shoulder for a moment, before pulling her in for a hug.

She stiffened, then melted against him, hugging him back with a tentative squeeze.

“I know I wasn’t your first choice,” Finn murmured into her hair, “but I’m glad to be here.”

Now. Now was when her tears fell.

* * * * *

Her tears were dry by morning. She woke early and sat up in confusion, in that momentary fog you feel when you wake in an unfamiliar setting. But then she saw Finn, still asleep on the sofa, his eyebrows knitted together as if he were concentrating and his lips set in an adorable pout, and she exhaled. She was where she was supposed to be.

A few days later, Rae found the trip was going better than she could have hoped. They hopped from isle to isle, hiking to ruins and standing stones, drinking pints and trying whiskies, and she’d been able to ensure separate beds in each room so far, as it wasn’t high season for tourists. The castle that first night just always booked up, being so close to the mainland. And it was fun, talking to Finn across the room, late into the night. It was like an extended slumber party with one of her best friends.

They got to their final stop, a chic hotel on the Isle of Skye, where they were booked in for three nights. She’d wanted to relax at the end of the trip, and picked a central spot in Portree. It was here that their luck had run out, in more ways that one. The hotel was fully booked, and they’d just redecorated, and the room they had boasted both a phenomenal view, wood-burning fireplace, a single and solid king-sized bed, and … no sofa.

“Should we look for another hotel?” she asked, after they had been shown to their room.

Finn shrugged and walked over to the window. Clouds were gathering over the loch, and the afternoon light was dim. “Looks like rain. By the time we found somewhere, _if_ we found somewhere, we might be soaked.” He turned back to give her a small smile. “It’s up to you, of course. Like I said, I’m along for the ride.”

Rae nodded thoughtfully. The weather did look ominous. But she knew when she booked the trip that late April could be capricious in Hebrides. They were lucky to have had the nice weather they’d had over the past few days.

“So, if we stayed …” Rae began, a little nervous to continue, a little nervous to hear his answer to her question. “You wouldn’t mind … sharin’?” She gestured toward the substantial bed. “I mean, it’s a big bed, we could ask for extra pillows, or … we wouldn’t have to—“

Finn turned around and cut her off with, “I wouldn’t mind, Rae. And no need for a pillow fort, at least, not for my benefit.” He grinned and hoisted his suitcase onto the luggage rack. “So, are we? Stayin’? Just, if we are, I might unpack a bit, since we’re here a few nights.”

Rae smiled to herself. “Yeah, let’s just stay. No sense in makin’ a fuss for no reason.”

Finn unzipped his bag. “‘Xactly,” he agreed.

* * * * *

The rain came right after they made their decision. They’d gone to the lobby to lounge on the leather sofas and bask next to the fire for a bit. Rae wrote in her journal and Finn had pulled a book off one of the shelves and gotten absorbed.

Then, after dinner at the hotel restaurant and a few drinks at the bar, they headed back to the room. It wasn’t that late, a little after ten, but the weather was too bad to go out, and where would they go, anyway? Rae huffed a nervous laugh and opened a drawer to pull out her nightgown. She stood for a moment with it clutched in her hand. The previous several nights hadn’t been awkward, not even that first night had felt as strange as she felt tonight.

“Hmmm?” Finn looked over at her, curious why she was laughing.

“Oh, nothin’. Just thinkin’ …  now that we have to share, you’re pretty lucky I didn’t bring the nightgowns I was originally plannin’ to wear!” Finn’s eyes widened perceptibly and he cleared his throat. Now he seemed nervous, too, and Rae closed her eyes in embarrassment. “Sorry, I’m not sure why I said that. Just … sorry.”

When she opened one eye to see his reaction, he was shaking his head. “No, don’t—don’t worry. I …” His voice faded away as he looked down and he mumbled “Dunno that I’d say that was exactly _lucky_.”

Rae furrowed a brow in confusion, wondering if she’d heard him right. And if she had, what that meant. She just straightened up, pulled the nightgown closer to her chest, and grabbed her toiletry bag as she headed to the ensuite.

As she started to change, she realized that the past few nights, she’d waited until getting into bed to take her bra off. Was she going to have to wear her bra all night? She shrugged. It wouldn’t be the end of the world, just a little bit of discomfort. She pulled her nightgown on over her head, leaving her bra in place. Then she washed her face, staring into the mirror at her face. “This isn’t a big deal, right?” she whispered to her reflection. “It’s just Finn. You’ve known him for years; he’s one of your best mates.” She took a deep breath, counted to ten, and opened the door to the room.

Finn was sitting on the edge of the bed in his boxers and a t-shirt, biting a thumbnail.  “I thought you’d given that up?” Rae asked without thinking.

He dropped his hand guiltily. “Oh, yeah. Yeah, I have. I mean, pretty much. I just … every once in a while I forget and …” He stood up hastily, and grabbed his own bag. “I’ll just … go and brush me teeth.”

Rae nodded and set her bag on top of her suitcase. She padded over to the bed and started to get in, but realized she didn’t know which side he preferred. The times that she and Paul had shared a bed, she slept on the right, well, left, if you were looking at the bed from across the room. She liked that side, but would she want to keep that configuration with everyone she dated? She shook her head. She was putting so many carts in front of a hypothetical horse. She’d just wait for him, ask him what his preference was, and they’d go to bed.

No big deal.

Time passed slowly. Rae sat on the edge of the bed and contemplated her own fingernails It had been years since she’d bitten her own, as well. She didn’t know now how she’d ever managed it. She clenched her hands into fists, digging her nails into her palms. The click of the door opening startled her.

Finn smiled at her, eyes crinkling at the corners. She suddenly felt like she’d seen that smile a lot. That maybe that smile was for her … had always been for her.

“What’s the matter?” Finn asked, smile now gone, replaced with worry.

“Hmmm? Oh, nothin’. Just spaced out a bit. I was waitin’ for you, to ask which side you prefer?” Finn kept his gaze on her for a few more seconds, then looked at the bed, shrugging.

“No preference. You?”

“Not really. I usually take the right, well, this side, but I don’t mind, really.” She ran her hand along the edge she was standing next to.

“Then, by all means,” Finn gestured for her to get in.

The wind outside picked up, whistling through a gap in one of the panes in their window. They hadn’t redone everything when they’d fixed up this place, apparently. Rae shivered out of instinct, and Finn said, “We might need another blanket. Have you checked the wardrobe?”

Rae shook her head slowly, and Finn waved his hand for her to get under the covers while he searched for one. She was arranging the duvet over her when he said, “Got one.” He shook the woolen blanket open and over the bed, then slipped in the other side.

They each clutched at the top of the covers and gave each other those closed-mouth, raised-eyebrow pseudo-smiles. The ones that said, ‘WELP. Here we are, then!’ without having to say it out loud.

Finn reached out for his lamp and said, “I guess we should …”

Rae nodded and reached for hers, as well, “Right, absolutely!”

They simultaneously switched off their lights and blinked into the hazy dark of room.

The bed was big enough; they weren’t touching or anything. Rae relaxed a little. She sighed, and heard Finn echo her. They both chuckled. Rae turned onto her side, facing away from Finn at first, then had a thought about passing wind in the night and hoisted over onto her other side, now facing toward him in the dark. As she settled herself, her underwire poked her in the armpit and she yelped, “Ow!”

“What, what’s happened?” She heard Finn scramble upright and felt his hand reach out for her, grazing her shoulder blade.

“Nothin’, just this bloody bra!” She grunted as she sat up. “Sorry, it’s gonna hafta come off. D’ya mind?”

Finn cleared his throat. “No, no, not at all!” He withdrew his hand and as she unhooked the bra he asked, “Do you, um, usually sleep in your bra?”

Rae sighed as she slid the strap off her shoulder and pulled the torture device through her sleeve. “Well … no. I just … didn’t want … they don’t stay up by magic, y’know? It’s quite another look to have them, sort of … roam free.”

Finn snorted in laughter. “You say the funniest stuff sometimes.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah,” he laughed out loud now. “Y’think I’ve never seen an unrestrained breast in me life?”

Rae blushed into the dark. “Well, no, obviously not! In fact, I’m sure you’ve seen plenty. Just … mine are … well, y’know. Hefty. Bigger than average. _Way_ bigger than average, probably.”

Finn snaked his hand over to her under the covers. His fingertips grazed her elbow, then felt along her arm to squeeze her hand. “Ain’t nothin’ wrong with that, m’dear.”

“No?” Rae asked, voice pitched higher than normal.

“No.” Finn said, definitively. “I’ve always held them in high esteem.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Oh, yeah,” he said, in that same sure tone.

He didn’t let go of her hand. Instead, he threaded his fingers between hers and held on tighter. “D’ya remember the last time we kipped together?” he asked, voice floating up to the high ceiling of the room.

Rae bit her lip as she studied his profile. Of course she did. “‘Course I do. The so-called sexy party.”

Finn laughed again. “Fuckin’ Chop, eh?”

She laughed, too. “Yeah. What a knobhead.”

“Bed was a little smaller then,” he said.

“Yeah, I remember, we were squashed up. You were jammed against the wall, an’ me arse was hanging off the edge.”

“Don’t remember bein’ squashed,” Finn mused. “Just remember bein’ closer.”

Rae flushed hot again. This time the flush wasn’t localized to her face, but washed over all of her. “Hmmm?” she intoned, not trusting herself with words.

“Yeah.” Finn sighed. “I had the biggest crush on you back then.”

Rae’s whole body grew rigid upon hearing his unexpected declaration.

“Y’alright?” Finn asked, his tone so nonchalant that Rae actually grew angry.

“WHAT?” she shouted.

“What?” He sat up, hand still tangled with hers. “What’s wrong?”

When she didn’t answer, he let go her hand and stuttered an apology. “S-sorry. I’m sorry! I thought you—I thought you knew. After you left that night—It just … never seemed the right time,” Finn said, helplessly. “I wanted to kiss you so many times … I hoped we could at the rave, but … and the night you left for Hull, and when we danced at Chop and Izzy’s wedding … but my brain would always skip ahead to you shovin’ me away, sayin’ “What’re ya DOING?” So I just … never did.”

“WHAT???” Rae repeated, only louder. The thing that she couldn’t believe about this situation was that she actually _could_ believe it. She’d always put up a front, a shield, especially around Finn. She was always afraid of how much he meant to her, and believed that if they ever got too close, he’d leave. She never wanted to feel dependent on him only to run him off with her neediness.

She was always a curious mixture of jealousy and relief whenever Finn would bring a date ‘round. She’d smile and make nice with the girl, and they would never be jealous of her. Rae wasn’t the type that other girls got jealous of. They thought it was sweet that Finn had a big girl for a friend. “They’ve been friends for years; it’s cute,” was what they probably said to their own friends about the situation.

Rae sat up in bed, taking her hand away from Finn’s. “I—“ She didn’t know what to say. What could she say? “I … we … I …” The clouds outside had broken up, there was a break in the storm and the moon shone in through the window. She could see Finn’s face in the dim light. He looked worried, and she was sure she looked mad. Both kinds of mad.

“Rae …” Finn reached out for her again, and she flinched in response to his touch on her arm. He winced at her reaction. “I’m sorry, Rae.”

“You never said anythin’,” she whispered.

“Would it have mattered if I had?” he asked.

She scoffed. Her first thought was _OF COURSE IT WOULD_ , but she was a different person all those years ago. She might not have believed him. In fact, she was sure she wouldn’t have believed him. It would have taken a lot to convince her that anyone as fit and lovely as Finn could have ever liked someone like her.

“I don’t know. Maybe. I just …” She should tell him. He’d told her. Inadvertently, but he’d admitted how he had felt. “I had a crush on you, too. And I … I …”

Finn sat up and reached for Rae’s hand again, “What?” he whispered.

“It’s hard to believe you liked me back then. I felt so un-like-able.” She took a breath. “Maybe it would’ve been a momentary thing. You’d’ve gone off me. Or, I would’ve pushed you away.”

Even in the dark, Rae could see the pain in Finn’s eyes at her words.

“I wouldn’t’ve gone off ya, Rae.” He squeezed her hand.

“No? How d’ya know?” Rae jutted her chin out defensively and looked up to stop her tears from falling.

“Well …” he started, “I haven’t gone off ya _yet_ , so …”

Her eyes flew to his, and two fat tears rolled down her cheeks. “What??” she whispered.

“You heard me.”

“But, Finn …”

“What, Rae? What’s wrong, now?” An edge of annoyance crept into his voice.

“I just … I just …”

“You just almost married the wrong person.”

She sniffled and nodded.

“But you didn’t.”

Now she solemnly shook her head.

“Rae, I won’t if you don’t want me to, but … for all those times I didn’t … can I … would you mind if—“

Rae lunged forward, cutting him off with a searing kiss. Then pulled back, “Oh, shit, I’m sor—“ Finn cut her off right back.

Their lips slid against each other like this was their thousandth kiss, not only the second time ever. They clutched at each other, desperate, rising up on their knees on the bed, holding onto each other like this was the last time they’d do this, while each privately hoped somewhere inside that this would be the beginning. The first of many many many..

“Rae?” Finn said her name huskily into her ear, sending shivers down her spine.

“Mmmm?” she responded as she kissed his Adam’s apple.

“I didn’t … this wasn’t a plan to … I just didn’t want you to be alone … I couldn’t let you …” He grasped her gently by the shoulders to look at her. “We don’t have to do this tonight, if you aren’t … I know you just finished somethin’ big. We can wait.”

Rae looked as deep into his eyes as she could in the dark. “Well, I can’t. Not anymore. What I finished wasn’t anythin’ compared to what I’m about to start.” She grinned at him and leaned in close, breathing, “So? Are ya comin’ with me?” on his waiting lips.

“Fuck yes,” he breathed back, and dragged her on top of him, pulling her face to meet his.

* * * * *

Rae hummed in contented disbelief. She didn’t know it was possible to come that hard, or that frequently in under an hour. She sighed and held Finn closer.

“Rae?” Finn murmured into her neck, breath hot on her skin.

“Mmmmm?” She couldn’t form words just at this precise moment.

“Did … did you return those … y’know … the stuff you planned to wear when this was supposed to be a honeymoon?” The vibrations from his voice on her own throat made her squirm in the best possible way, and her toes curled under.

Rae pursed her lips and shook her head. She’d thought about it, but then immediately thought how sad would it be to return that stuff, unworn, un … appreciated?

“Good,” he licked her neck and moved up to gently bite her earlobe. “I think we’ll make good use of it when we get home.”

She nodded enthusiastically. “But first …” She swirled her tongue, gently tracing his lips. “We have two more nights on our pre-honeymoon. And I don’t plan to leave the room again until we check out.”

Finn growled and devoured her lips with his.


End file.
